Something I Had that Was Stolen.

xray specs

For my recent mid-life birthday, I received 642 Things to Write About by The San Francisco Writers’ Grotto. I plan on using these as prompts to fulfill this blog. I am now a technical writer making manuals and instructions. After completing a school project with my Kindergarten daughter, my wife told me my writing was too unfeeling. Here I will explore myself.

Today’s prompt is “Something You Had Stolen”.

The one thing that comes to mind that I had stolen were these sweet X-Ray vision glasses I had. Back when I was young, there was Boy Scout magazine called Boy’s Life. I remember none of the stories in this magazine, but in the back classifieds there were always these ads for novelty items. I remember constantly badgering my mom to order me some snapping gum, a hand buzzer, a book of jokes and of course the X-Ray glasses. I had no idea what the thrill of looking at naked women was all about at the time, all I knew is that I wanted to. Plus you can see what people are carrying on them, what fun would that be! We could finally put to rest how many men wear panties around or carry guns in their boots!

Finally my mom grew sick enough of the badgering that she ordered me this junk (I still have the joke book 25 years later). Well the X-Ray glasses did not actually work, but they did make things look like thin red lines if I remember. Even not working, it was still pretty cool and they looked pretty rad.

Well in third grade we did this whole unit on Cabbage. We toured a local sauerkraut factory, ate different foods with cabbage in it, and of course we had a Cabbage dress-up contest. Well if I was going to have the best dressed cabbage, I figured it needed X-Ray Vision. I gave my cabbage my trusty specs and put him on display for the whole school.

Shortly after they were stolen off his poor crispy green face and I was left disillusioned. It never occurred to me that someone would steal these glasses, so it was this big break in my trust of the human race. Maybe that’s why I remember it so well because it was the first item blatantly stolen from me. From then on I kept everything meaningful to me protected and sacrificed my artistic vision for fear of it being stolen. There were certain possible suspects, but it could have been anyone. Just knowing that there were criminals in and amongst us, even possibly befriending me unsuspectingly really pierced my bubble.

So whoever stole my X ray glasses, I hope you’re in prison motherfucker!


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